Both Are True

In 1975, I was living in a room at the Morrison Hotel in Rhinelander, Wisconsin. My room was L-shaped because it cradled the elevator. My refrigerator was provided by the windowsill—a great solution from fall to spring, except for one night, during the depths of winter, when my lettuce froze and imitated a bowling ball.

I was either working as a janitor at the Department of Natural Resources or feeding the masses at Pizza Hut.

I was in a three-piece rock and roll band. We were on the fringe of the Rhinelander music scene because we played songs by the Allman Brothers, Led Zeppelin, and Santana. This was in contrast to the Pop bands and the '50s revival craze.

In October, Saturday Night Live premiered. The show was a combination of Mad Magazine, Jackie Gleason, and Ed Sullivan. (Cue dinosaurs.) It delighted the twisted sense of humor that came to me as part of my family legacy.

A few sketches stick in my mind. Dan Ackroyd and the Bass-O-Matic, The Killer Bees, and one of my favorites: New Shimmer - “It’s a floor wax and a dessert topping!” “Umm, it tastes terrific!” “And look at that shine!” Within the absurd hallucination that was the SNL universe, both were true.

My father held two identifiable roles in my childhood. Fun, easy-going, encouraging, New Yorker sense of humor, genius. He was also unreachable on any kind of emotional level.

So I’m a funny guy with an attachment disorder. Curious and terrified as a child. Confident and terrified as an adult. Currently an extrovert on the nights my band plays at the Smokehouse, and happily introverted at home the rest of the time. It’s not that I don’t go out at all, I just come home early.

I can play my guitar for hours, chasing an inspiring tone in a way that soothes me. I also jump out of my chair any time I hear a door close. Wheeeee…

Politically, I’m to the left of Bernie Sanders. The description that fits me best is Democratic Socialist. Basically, I want a country where the fundamental needs of being human are met for everyone, and all are encouraged to create a life that nurtures them.

To be clear, when I’m talking about fundamental needs, I’m considering Abraham Maslow. I lifted this from Google: Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a psychological theory that outlines five levels of human needs, arranged in a pyramid from basic to advanced: physiological (food, water, sleep), safety (security, health), love and belonging (friends, family), esteem (respect, confidence), and self-actualization (creativity, achieving one's full potential). The theory suggests that lower-level needs must be met before individuals can focus on satisfying higher-level needs.

Because, why not? When trillions of dollars float around our country like butterflies, surely we can spare a few of them to solve these problems. “Bryan, you fool! You have zero understanding of the economy of this country!”

No shit. On the other hand, we won’t be relying on me to come up with a dollar figure and a comprehensive plan for carrying out such an ambitious revolution. I’m confident that there is a competent, socially aware, pragmatic community of geniuses at America’s disposal.

Bernie Sanders is a leader. Buckminster Fuller was a leader. The teachings of Jesus the Christ are a code to live by. Not the violent rhetoric that grabs the headlines, but the humble path of love and compassion.

If religion is a bridge too far, any kindergarten teacher can share a set of principles that will lead to a fulfilling life of kindness, genius, and contribution.

At this point in the essay, I have two things competing to have their voices heard. As the author, I’m willing to sacrifice continuity for inclusion.

Why on earth would a society try to satisfy Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? Too many people would be getting a free ride, taking advantage of the good nature of others, without having to make any effort.

A persuasive statement, but unfortunately, bullshit of the highest order.

In contrast, I’ve watched the seven seasons of The West Wing, from beginning to end, at least ten times. The last two times through the term, ‘Veil of Ignorance’, stuck in my mind.

Proviso:

1. I’m not a scholar, although I pick up ideas the way a crow would proudly acquire a Hires Root Beer cap.

2. I have to find the real quote by giving Google the incorrect quote, and then being set straight.

3. I have to see if the correct quote is as meaningful to me as my own special version of the quote.

Back to West Wing. Will Bailey is trying to explain to a group of interns the fundamental principle behind a social safety net; i.e., the Veil of Ignorance.

The Veil of Ignorance asks us to design a social system without knowing ahead of time where we will occupy the social strata. Will I be rich? Poor? Well adjusted? Clinically insane? A Teacher? A Plumber? A corporate CEO? Homeless?

I’m asked to design a society to encompass all possibilities and provide the opportunity for each of us to live a life where Maslow’s Hierarchy isn’t just possible, but probable. I like this thought experiment very much.

That’s one idea.

Next:

How do I carry myself in the world when I am in direct opposition to a popular set of ideals that I consider to be based on blatant cruelty?

Based on my own self-investigation, it appears the solution lies somewhere between dissociative disorder and schizophrenia. Nothing to the extent that would get me an extra-large white coat with extremely long sleeves, but impactful nevertheless.

“Ummm, tastes great!” “And look at that shine!”

I grew up with the Quaker’s, Doc Watson, Joan Baez, Pete Seeger, Steve McQueen, Hugh Hefner, Duck and Cover, The Human Be-In in Golden Gate Park, Cassius Clay and Muhamoud Ali, and some wise guy setting his white Stratocaster on fire.

I have a few points of view that I can occupy.

I live within a set of ideas that come from my parents, my culture, and my experience. This is why I can revel in reading The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear, and in the next breath watch Die Hard, and Die Hard 2 in an Orville Redenbacher-fueled marathon.

The results: Anger, Fear, Judgement (inward and outward), Kindness, Compassion, Contemplation, Accusation and Empathy, and a slight, consistent buzzing in my frontal lobe.

There are events in my life today that were predictable and are horrific. There are events in my society that are predictable and horrific.

I act toward the greater good when I can, and eat Fudge Brownie ice cream and watch West Wing when I can’t.

I wage war on the self-created chaos that is my trailer. I breathe deeply of the crisp fall air and anticipate the snow that will be thrown into the sky by fairies riding unicorns.

I jump out of my chair when the most predictable car door closing happens outside my window. I sit quietly, breathing steadily, as my somatic psycho-therapist leads me into a place I have trouble navigating on my own.

I’m a kind, loving, compassionate man who would like the people who are misbehaving to knock it the fuck off.

“Ummm, tastes great!” “And look at that shine!”

David Purdy advises, Go Easy